oh 2010 please come soon.

the anticipation of a few days leave is killin me as i sit down here in my bunk. but that's not the biggest concern. i think i may just find myself reminiscing/emo-ing too much during new year's eve dance. it'll definitely be a lot different from the past ones now that a whole group of people have gone for stints overseas. it'll definitely be a lot different cos a lot of things have happened over the past year which have brought some expected and unexpected changes. gonna be co-working with bea for the dance. heh heh. we're calling in pizzaaaa! :D

nuff said for now. will write more here soon. much work, we have to do.

spent christmas evening over at beve's where we played bridge trolls (they gave me a pimply looking troll cos my feet and hands still look like they've been infected by... some kind of ... *looks at feet*... parasite disease. met caryn and qi bin over burgers, fries and sodas at mos in amk hub after zoo on saturday. gosh. its been so long. caryn's back after a sem in australia but only till february. so we've got just a bit of time to catch up.

christmas has been fun and every bit enjoyable with the company of family and friends but i still catch myself going into some moments of blankness as though somethings are missing. ben told me sth which i really think is quite helpful but kinda hard to orientate after for now... 'don't let ur feelings become so dependent'.

today was a rather epic sacrament. andrea dropped a hymn book on the low frequency piano keys during sacrament hymn. so u could have just imagined how she went into giggles from utter embarrassment of the moment. i thought my fingers were betraying me initially until she told me she dropped the book.

------------------------------------------------
i walked on each day
with just that hope u'd stay
the way i knew
the way u knew
there'd be no disappointment or dismay
cos u'd know it'd be worth each day
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just got back from dinner @ bryden's. just spending about less than a good solid 4 hours there made me realize how much i've been missing out. watched 2 good movies: forever strong and the pink panther. forever strong is somewhat like your typical longest yard movie where the main gets into trouble and gets reprimanded by the law. instead he is then mentored by a coach who teaches him how he should better his own skills and his personality at the same time but the strong camaraderie of team spirit and friendship is still significantly present. the ending is just like in the longest yard. bryden and chester were commenting how it was at a church distribution centre and watching it made u understand really why it was sitting there when they found it. yeah sure there would be some questions about the eyebrow raising content at the initial stages of the movie. but that's not what we're looking for are we?

the pink panther on the other hand was a good laugh. one thing i learned for sure was that 'no man is an is-land'. Steve Martin's role playing is srsly spastastically spastic. fine... you're probably reading up to here and thinking 'yeah. i knew that.' but i've really been erm... not up to speed with too many things. u get the picture ya.

haii... anyway where there's snow and fall and where there's not, i hope that from all that eating your arteries aren't clot. have a smashing christmas (:

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
(Was it something I did?)
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

lately, i've caught myself just thinking what's gonna happen few years down the road quite frequently (again). its like one of those times that u just look down memory lane or try to extrapolate on certain events in life and where it might all just end up. i mean... its only 3 more months of ocs for the batch i'm in, and trent, hyrum and martin and all those whom i know are just days away from their commissioning.

u could say that certain events (though some may think small as they are) have kinda caught up with me and provoked many questions. some things like what someone said to me, what i want to do with the extremely little time i only have besides just passively learning driving and guitar, what happened last sunday that would really mean a whole lot about the direction of my life. i must admit that i have not even given thought to that many issues. but this small act and good input have recently left quite a mark.

looking into someone's archives i found this!
"Life is good, if we live in such a way to make it so. . . .'A good life' comes as a result of the way we do things, of the words we choose to say, and even of the kind of thoughts we choose to have...."

well... i need to work things out one at a time for now.

heh. i like this quote made by snipers
'don't try running... u'll only die trying'

what happened to the 12 days of christmas? they should call it an international holiday. gonna be spending the eves of christmas in marsiling not quite like how u'd picture christmas. hmmm... sounds like a primary song.

recently i have been having finger/hand/phalanx/finger nail spasms which have kinda worried me. when i get to go home, i probably can't play on the piano properly without spasm-ating. so i'm thinking about early retirement now. haha. sounds so bleak.

anyway later on tonight there's nativity at church. something to look forward to each year. pity it seems that we don't have time to come up with another small ying er intitated ensemble. gonna be giving candy canes out later! (:

looking up in the sky
i see the clouds roll by
little puffy cushions
i see a marshmallow kitten

i lie back on my bunk bed
looking out on life's head
twiddling my pencil
oh if life were a pencil...

oh if life were a pencil...
i would gather the shavings
sip hot chocolate by the fire
count the shooting stars
relish my friendships and
relive significant memories

'real optimism is being aware of problems but recognizing the solution, knows about difficulties but believes they can be overcome, sees the negatives but accentuates the positives, is exposed to the worst but expects the best, has reason to complain but chooses to smile'

i kept rereading this quote recently. it was like some piece of revelation that was just lodged in one of those past journalling moments. thanks much to my family for this piece of advice as i was going through bmt. recently i looked back on this while taking note of my reflections on the late trip to brunei and some of the events leading up to brunei. it was like the answer i needed for a while and it was just sitting there in my notebook.

fasting never felt so easy strangely this fast sunday.

U know if u spoil fun for others, ure gonna have to bite the bullet.
(a quote by ben)

and this happened to happen literally in a world of virtual reality. some punks thought they were too smart for the system and hijacked the game we were playing. so as an officer-to-be i chose the right thing even though it meant fratricide for the greater good. pretty mean yeah i know but it was a laugh.

something really superb that andrea just shared with me just hours before book in on im.

the tailor of your dreams
twiddles the needles and seams and seams
a little stitch in that corner and another
basting the subconscious figments of imagination together

time to time again
the works are perfect
and u smile each night
knowing pleasant sights

but then from out of the blue
the tailor makes mistakes like we always do
the couture ruined and satin split
making your mind and body go into fits

the tailor then takes out your favourite fabric
cutting off that which spoilt the matrix
carefully chooses his next seam
and there u go on and dream a dream

the time passes on like you've walked miles
and in your subconscious state u smile
your mind knowing its at rest from external wiles
trace your smile so sweet yet wild